| Saturday, May 6th, 2006 |
| 12:02 pm |
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| Saturday, March 11th, 2006 |
| 6:15 pm |
Its my birthday today!
I am happy and sad all at the same time.
Its been a quiet day, kinda blah. A few calls but neither my parents, my brother, nor any other member of my "family" have called me. Its par for the course I suppose, as we don't get along very well. Its rainy, clod and windy here (with a lil hail even), its nice and depressing both.
My daughter woke me today with OJ, a Muffin, and oatmeal . . . . which was sweet. I was woken prior to that by Daddy who sang to me. YAY!!! It made me smile to know I am though of like that. I am rambling here (and this is the second time I have tried to make this entry) so i will be off.
May you always know your worth, find unconditional love from family (both blood and otherwise), and may magic always be available to guide, suprize, and enrich your life.
~ ME |
| Tuesday, February 7th, 2006 |
| 8:20 pm |
- Doctors suck!
- Waiting on hold sucks!
- Missing classes I want to be in sucks!
- The 3 hours I had to spend dealing with all of that.... SUCKED!
Everything else was wonderful and I LOVE being in school and having the social time and learnign and... well yeah I LOVE school!!
~thats all there is to that~
~ Cuddles |
| Monday, February 6th, 2006 |
| 9:03 am |
Hello all...
Here I sit in school again.. It's kinda wierd to be back here and exciting as well. I met with some freinds from last semester already and... well its good to be home... kinda?
I will miss the lazying about and Time with Daddy, however I know I need to keep moving so that someday ( in tthe not distant future) I will be able to support myself . Self sufficiant.. what a wonderful term for those who are and how horrifying it is to have it just beyond your grasp. *sigh* At least I get to take some pretty wonderful classes!
Deaf Culture/ Introduction to Deaf community
Math (ewwww)
Human Sexual Behavior.. (should prove to be somewhat interesting)
ASL 3 (yay!)
and finally Hip hop (yes me in a dance class :) )
Ok I am off to obtain the nessisary add codes..
Kisses and Cuddles ~ ME |
| Saturday, February 4th, 2006 |
| 11:17 am |
I am happy and busy today.. got lots do do to get ready and to get ready... anyone know where I can find "the skirt" really cheep.. like free in like 5 hours???? *shrug* I'll make due Kisses and Cuddles ~ ME |
| Thursday, November 24th, 2005 |
| 5:39 pm |
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!! Hi there yall.... I am in ABQ this weekend and it is.. well wierd. My Ex has already called me like 4 times and I have such mixed feelings about all of that mess.. Kinda puts a damper on the whole family thing.. or it would if the family and I got along better. *shrug* Its been nice though. My shoulder is acting up alot and I had to take some meds this morning... made me a lil loopy but I managed to make sweet potatoe casserole and the gravy and aspoerigus w/ hollindais sause... yummmy~!!!!! Pease excuse my spelling in here everyone. I was sooo excited when I found out RENT was being made into a movie.. I have been waiting with Baited breath to see it! Then I found out it was comming out the day i was flying to ABQ! I was soooo upset! *pout* Then guess what happened?!?!?!?!? I won 4 tickets to the premier on Monday night! IT RAWKED! I love musicals and sometimes dapple on stage (not much at all though) and i got to see it when it came to San Diego 2 yrs ago! I think they did a great job trasitioning it for the screen. Everyone ... take the time out today (and everyday) to thank those who make you smile , hug those who warm your heart, and tell everyone you keep in your heart they are there.... It dosent hurt and it could mean the difference between a good day and a bad day for someone! |
| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 |
| 3:30 pm |
Ok so this is me bragging and venting all at the same time...... I was reminded today that when someone else is going through things i need to remember that no matter HOW much they affect me the outcome is for THEM! Ty T. I was in court with my kid today and honestly I think i mad the wrong choice.... I gave her a second chance. I knwo as the mom I am supposed to do this but how many second chances do you give a kid????? On the braffing side..... I GOT TO SEE RENT LAST NIGHT!!!!!! Whooo hooo the premier was soooo awesome! iF YOU GET THE CHANCE TO SEE IT .... DO IT! I was dancing and singing and carring on and I had a blast! I even think my kid smiled.... at one point there wasnt a dry eye in the theater and then.... everyone was cheering.. what a wonderful energy the place had. The movie was pretty true to the play too. It didnt get ruined by hollywood and transisitioned beautifully! Ok I am off to do the school thing! Kisses and Cuddles! T I am writing and sending in the next day.. I am soooo sorry! ~ ME |
| 3:25 pm |
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| 3:22 pm |
a thingy.. you try!
| You Are Pumpkin Pie | 
Even when people are full - they make room for you.
Good or bad, your smell is most likely to arouse a man. |
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| Monday, November 21st, 2005 |
| 2:04 pm |
ok so this was cute so I thought I would pass it along: Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving 01. Talk about a huge breast! 02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 03. It's Cool Whip time! 04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! 05. That's one terrific spread! 06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. 07. Are you ready for seconds yet? 08. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some! 10. Don't play with your meat. 11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in. 12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once! 14. You still have a little bit on your chin. 15. How long will it take after you stick it in? 16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that! 18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen! *giggle* I have to say, I have heard these things (or maybe said them) on a non holiday day before. Have a great Turkey day! |
| Saturday, November 19th, 2005 |
| 9:59 am |
What do you do when someone youlove is hurting and you can't help?.... Feel so lost in the desire to "make it all better"... *sigh* at least its better now. |
| Monday, November 14th, 2005 |
| 5:50 pm |
*shrug*
Ok so here I sit.. in the school library yet again... things in my life are .. well ok/ I am doing well in 3 out of 4 classes. I just found out that I am failing my math clas... damnit! I tried so damn hard to.. I guess I just need to work that much harder! I am being taken care of so well lately.... its scarry to let someone so in so closely to my heart... i am happy though. my kid is stilla major stress thing for me! My therapist and hers both thing that a boot camp situation is something that might work now. That is something that is so expensive and so scarry! Anyway... I havent written in a LONG LONG time and so I thought I would put something out there... Ty to those in my life who have cherished me even in my dark times! BAck to the grind for me yall. ~ Kisses and Cuddles |
| Tuesday, September 6th, 2005 |
| 8:24 am |
update
Quick check in yall.... I am @ the library @ school.. have dropped enough classes that I am now only taking 14 units (loving them all) and am trying to keep up with all the activities in front of me... the kid is mellowing out (hoping its not the eye of the storm) and the rest of my world is still in a shambles... yes Jae love sucks, and the game leading up to it is hard too! T has been keeping me sane so Ty. I have found a life coach for myself and my daughter and I really feel like she will be a good thing for the both of us.... I know its gonna be hard and painful, however in the long run I think it will be allllllll good. Ok back to the grind of school yall. Kisses and cuddles and all that stuff! ~ Me |
| Thursday, September 1st, 2005 |
| 5:01 pm |
*shrug*
stopping in to say hi and bye for a lil, I am @ the library for a while as my internet is down. in other news, I love school... ALS rawks!!!!!!! Books are fucking expencive, I have no time for me, being a cheer coach is fun and horrifying, my car is starting to grumble a lil louder these days, i got asked out to coffee the other day (nice to get the attention), antidepressants are my friend (damnit), my kid is being a teen however talented;smart; wonderful; and cool she is; she will always still be 13!!!!!! Ummm Happy late b-day Jae ( i tried) everyone else if ya wanna talk to me, call...... R call soon as i need to pick your brain pls. ~ Kisses and cuddles Current Mood:  frustrated |
| Thursday, August 18th, 2005 |
| 11:31 pm |
ramblin failure
 My daughter, I love her so much. She is beautiful. Have you seen her? she is tall and has eyes that catch your attention. She can sing too! She sings in the worship band. What an awesome thing. Her dancing blows anyone who sees it away! She is naturally talented. What a brain on that kid. She knows the right from the wrong (dosent always choose it), and she prides herself on knowing alot (dont they all?). She is an agry child too. I have hurt her growing up. I had people in the house and they hurt her. I didnt protect her. It was my job and I totally fucked up and let her down. I only had one job, to protect this amazing part of me and to put her needs before mine. I hit her, I am soooo not proud of it. How could a mother do such things?
As she sat on my bed rocking and crying telling me she didnt ever want to feel again, or that trusting hurt so she wasnt going to do it again. She told me that she couldnt trust me to help or protect her before so she had to raise herself. She sobbed and told me that she didnt want to be around me and that she truely wanted to die. I watched as my little girl poured out her heart and didnt want to be looked at or touched by me. Then, when all was said and done, I watched as my baby girl, whom I love more then life told me that she didnt care anymore the tears stopped, the rocking ceased, and her eyes went dead. I watched as my little girl shut down and the light that used to burn beyond her eyes went out.
What do I do now? I caused one of the brightest lights in the world to go out. I have been negligent and selfish. I have deprived my daughter and myself of what could have been an amazing relationship. I, I failed!
Please take the time to do the right thing and cherish those you love in your life before its to late!
 ,
~ Cuddles 
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| Saturday, August 13th, 2005 |
| 10:43 pm |
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
I WANT OUTTA MY LIFE AND I WANT OUTTA MY SKIN!
Have you ever just felt like your skin was crawling and everything made you crazy? Thats where I am lately. . . *sigh* I'll make it through the other side I know. right now however . . . . I WANT TO SCREEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
Love one another and remember to TELL them you Love them!
,
~ Cuddles
 |
| Friday, August 12th, 2005 |
| 10:13 pm |
*sigh*
 So today was ok . . . kinda . . . I guess. I hate feeling so dead inside . i know there is alot to look forward to and that I have alot to be excited about. *sigh* I just can't bring myself to really care much. I think once school starts I will be doing better, distractions and all. I miss my honey something terrible!  Right now as I type He is driving to His families cabin in Okolahoma! I know I can't put my well being into his hands. I don't know what it is that will bring me out of this. I think I am having to call my Dr next week...... I feel like Pills are (yet again) in my future for a way to get through my life. I feel like such a failure! Oh well I guess I'll
"Just keep swimming"  and get through it some how.
Wishing Zach was here and I was Ok,
~ Cuddles
 |
| Wednesday, August 10th, 2005 |
| 12:34 pm |
Hummmmm
ok so I am a gushing fool and a lil crazy!.... But yall knew that! *sigh* Cheer is shaping up to be as crazy as last year and the momms are HORRIBLE! Umm lets see what happens next . . . Gotta get on writing the essays for all the schoolarships I found ..... feeling a little depressed today so I think I am going to take a nap and hide from the world for a little bit.
,
~ Cuddles
 |
| Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 |
| 12:26 am |
Huh...
I got a call this morning from my Honey.... His roomate ended up in the hospital via ambulance.. heart stuff.
I was so sorry to hear it. At the same time, I was happy in the fact that He called me to lean on me, that He chose to trust me with His emotions and felt safe in my being knowledgeable.
I feel all conflicted about my other relationships now though.... I love Zach, with all my heart. My realtionship with T has changed and it hurts me to see him hurting because of me. All of my relationships have changed..... If he calls I answer the call no matter whom I am talking to. That is a change . . . . I don't want Kelly around cause she makes me feel wierd now that I am devoted to Zach. Shannen is jealous, Aurora wants to behave as long as Zach spiles her, and damnit I am lonely!
I have and am seriously thinking about moving to Albequerque in a year. i went around school smiling like a fool cause Zach leaned on me and yet I am enrolling in a school program to teach school in California........ What am I doing?! Feeling lost and kinda alone.... not totally but lonely for Zach.
~ Cuddles
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| Thursday, August 4th, 2005 |
| 6:27 pm |
As My life turns . . .
The next instalment as twisted as the first. I am exstatic with all thats happened with Z. Its a wonderful feeling to be spoiled ya know? The night after he got home He hurt himself @ work and now is on workers comp! I can't stand not being able to help or care for him from here. If it werent for T I would have been hyperventilating  all night!
I had a mini talk with my roomate . . . not the one I want to have but a start non the less..... she informed me that she could only give me 80 right now but would give me more in a few weeks..... well at least its a lil money ya know? I am feeling more and more resentful and I HATE HATE HATE that feeling.
I got a call  from my T in Oregon (I think ?) the other day.. so nice to catch up with him! What an amazing Guy. I can't wait untill He becomes whom He is destined to be.
Last night when A and I got home there was amessage on the phone . . . "A would you like to coach the Mighty Might cheer squad?" OMG!  After all the crap we went through last year, now they want her to COACH! Well A decided she wanted to do it so . . . there you are. My 13 yr old daughter is the head coach of a Pop warner cheer squad.... what a development!
So thats all for now...
,
Cuddles
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